America is Not a Girl's Girl

The Elusive BB “Girl’s Girl” 

I’m not a girl’s girl (cue the twitter thinkpieces). But seriously, ew, get that term away from me! A "girl's girl" typically refers to women supporting other women. In the context of Big Brother, it describes a woman who prioritizes alliances with other women over men. However, the clumsy use of this term can be problematic. It often masquerades as a badge of female empowerment while subtly perpetuating internalized misogyny. This pejorative flung at those who don’t conform to an idealized, fictional sisterhood is not only reductive but also, ironically, fails to demonstrate true support among women.

While I wholeheartedly support women uplifting each other - hello! I was a Ballsmashers fan - I recognize that such expectations can be unrealistic within the competitive structure of the game. As much as the edited show tries to tell us otherwise, Big Brother is fundamentally a cutthroat game of social strategy. All Most houseguests are looking out for their own interests, and coming in with a feminist agenda can be the kiss of death (RIP BB16 Joey and BB25 Kirsten). Look, I’m not saying women working together is impossible — it has been done before. However, the nature of modern Big Brother makes it especially challenging for the archetypal "girl’s girl" to exist, let alone thrive.

Competitions

Unless you’re Dr. Will, competitions are critical for ensuring one’s own safety and harnessing power in Big Brother. This reality often complicates women’s ability to collaborate and navigate the game successfully. As production budgets have increased, competitions have evolved from simple tasks like tossing disks into a bowl in the pool to elaborate challenges that rival Disney attractions. This shift has made many competitions more physical, favoring the strength of taller, athletic male contestants. Iconic challenges like BB Comics, OTEV, the Wall, and the Slip ‘n Slide (miss you, boo!) disproportionately benefit male players, especially in recent years. This inequity compels women to depend on male allies to secure their standing in the house, often leading them to prioritize these alliances over their connections with other women. The lessening physical nature of BB26’s competitions, early eviction of the season’s comp beast, Tucker, and MJ being 6”1, have allowed the women to maintain their autonomy and dictate the jury phase of this game. 

Casting

I was aware throughout the casting process that my selection was influenced, at least in part, by the potential for a showmance. Showmances are encouraged, of course! As a fan of The Bachelor and Love Island, I understand the appeal of watching attractive people hook up — it's undeniably entertaining and, from a casting perspective, adds intrigue by introducing drama and generating screen time. Unfortunately, it also generates strategic obstacles that complicate the formation of successful all girls alliances. The show’s history demonstrates that girls' alliances often falter when one, or several, of the involved women become entangled in a showmance, particularly when there are genuine emotions present.

See:

• Black Widows: Men 😠

• Ballsmashers: No men 😊 

• The Sirens: Men 😠 

I believed that Blue and I shared so much in common; we were both in our twenties, older sisters, and first-generation Americans/college graduates living in NYC.  On paper, these commonalities should have provided a strong enough foundation for trust and a solid alliance. 

Cue Jared and Cory.

I had no relationship with Jared, and Blue really had no rapport with Cory. I could not tell you whether or not Blue and I would have worked together without our comp beast boyfriends, but any hope for the Sirens was Clorox wiped away the second we boo’d up. 

The Patriarchy (BOO!)

We live in a patriarchal society that shapes women's relationships. The system restricts opportunities for women, compelling us to view one another as rivals, while reinforcing the notion that we must compete for male validation and success. This toxic culture is further corroded by negative stereotypes about women — if I have to hear that “women are emotional” one more time, I might just prove their point. 

Big Brother serves as a magnified reflection of the patriarchal dynamics in society, where traditional gender roles are not only present but intensified. Women in the house face pressure to conform to these roles — cooking, cleaning, and fulfilling expectations to prove their worth. Structural elements of the game disincentivize female alliances, which is exacerbated by the pervasive belief that women’s alliances are destined to fail. This one-two punch of reality and narrative fosters mistrust, fractures female relationships, and has all but doomed the mythical all girls alliance.

Want to increase the amount of successful women’s alliances? Easy! We just need equitable competitions, no more showmances and a dismantling of the patriarchy! Until then, the label “she’s not a girl’s girl” remains hypocritical; it is meant to insult women in the name of empowerment. While the desire for solidarity among women is commendable, the unrealistic expectations associated with the "girl's girl" label can lead to mistrust and exclusion. Just as we wouldn’t use “he’s not a guy’s guy” to judge a man’s character, we should abandon this label for women entirely.

-America Lopez, not a girl’s girl

America Lopez was on Big Brother 25. Her Bachelor podcast, America Tells All, recently hit #1 on the iTunes TV charts. You can follow her on X/twitter @A_dawg956.

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